The Parent Resource Depot

I am still pretty new at being a mom, my son is 20 months old and I try my best with raising him.

I am pretty shy in general as an individual, and my older sister likes to butt in a lot with my parenting (I am 26, she is 31). My sister knows it’s hard for me to voice my opinion over hers, since she is not nearly as passive as me. However when I feel really strongly about something I am able to speak up.

In general though, she tries to take my position as mom I feel with my son. She has two older kids of her own and raised them her way, and now is trying to teach my son everything, and telling me what I should and should not be doing with him. I have my own style of parenting. I know I am not a perfect mom, but I teach and raise my son how I feel comfortable …until my sister comes over. She tells me I NEED to start certain things with him, or he is going to grow up wrong. It really hurts how pushy she is with him, and I disagree with her on a lot of things.

For example when my son was 15 months old, he refused to eat crunchy foods. He would eat everything else – just not harder or crunchy things. My doctor said it was fine, and that some children have texture preferences. As long as he was eating other foods, it’s no problem at this stage. But my sister told me he NEEDED to eat crunchy foods otherwise his mouth and teeth will hurt later on. She gives me opinions and “facts” like that all the time, and tries to do everything her way.

She is very touchy too, if you correct her she will become very upset and won’t talk with you for a while. Growing up our mom was very mentally sick, and disowned us as her children when we were around the pre-teen age. So my sister left when she was 14, and I left home when I was 16. We haven’t seen our mom since, and just recently in the last couple years reunited with eachother. She is my only family I have had since I was young, so I don’t want to push her away, but every single time I see her she forces her parenting upon my son, and I don’t want that.

Another thing she does is whenever we go out somewhere, she takes over my son. Like she is his mom. She tells her girls to take him on the slide or swings, and I don’t feel comfortable with girls ages 7 and 11 trudging him up steps to the slide, or pushing him really fast on the swing. They let him down the slide on his own and he tumbled the whole way down, then I got up to stop it. But my sister talks over me and says “Go with him down the slide” to her 7 year old, and he ended up hurting his leg from being twisted on the way down. They think its funny to push him really high on the swings, but it makes me nervous. Last time at the park I took him from the swing and sat with him, and my sister ended up taking him and having her girls blow bubbles with him. Not only did she not ask me if it was o.k., but I also stated that I was worried because it was pretty cold out and his hands were already cold – that the bubbles would make his hands uncomfortably cold. But she disregarded it and sent him off anyway with her girls and the bubbles. Ultimately though, she always takes control of my son when we go out anywhere. The park, store, appointments. She makes me feel like when she is around, he is her son.

Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this? Or had any friend or relative that acted like this? I really want to talk to her, but I am very nervous, any advice would be great on how I could put my foot down without being rude or ‘confrontational’.

Two other quick questions:
My sister says I NEED to practice putting shoes on my son when he is inside so he gets use to it. She says if I don’t he will always throw tantrums with them on when he is outside. I told her I’d like to teach my son shoes, but she comes over and does it any way. Is she right about him needing indoor practice, otherwise he will be a terror with shoes in the future?

And also I live in a very small town. Only around 300 births a year. So there aren’t many kids my son’s age. She said he is going to grow up developmentally delayed unless I have him play with other children. She says he will not know how to act around people and will have social problems. She brings (without my permission or prior knowledge) older boys to try to play with him. I don’t feel comfortable with my son who isn’t even 2 yet, to be playing with 5 year olds. But would it be better for him in the long run? I personally don’t think he will be negatively effected, but my sister is making me feel like a bad mom because of it.

Thanks for reading, and I apologize again for my novel of a question, lol.