Posts tagged ‘daughter’

August 16th, 2011

Disagreement with schools decisions regarding my daughter?

Question:
Today is my step daughters 6th b-day. My wife and I had a small party for her with the rest of her kindergarten school kids a few minutes before school was out. When we were setting the party up while they were still at recess the assistant principle wanted to have a talk with us. Long story short she informed us that our child was having behavior problems and recommended she a behavior specialist. Now, we were aware she had a few incidences throughout the year. Not listening, hit a kid back (only one incident), and just basic things young children get in trouble for. Nothing instance is major or often. The way she portrayed it was as if it was out of control and needed serious measures to correct whatever was wrong. For one she is not a problem when she is at home and 2nd she is doing exceptionally well in her school work. We are not one of those parents that thinks “oh not my child”. We agree that she has some issues but nothing more that most 5 and 6 year old don’t have. Once we explained this to her she said instead recommended to have someone come in and monitor her daily when in the 1st grade. To me this is even worse. Once the class came in it was a mad house. I would say a good 25% of the kids were way out of line and was not even on the same caliber as our child. I know had had once snap shot of what goes on ever day but it was clear that we do not have the most troublesome in the class by far. I for one disagree with their recommendation and think that the idea is to extreme and if this was a major issue why are we being told so late in the year. I want to get advice and suggestions from other parents. Is this going too far?

I also want to note yes we do discipline here when she is in trouble at school so that is the type of advice I am looking for. I also want to add that I was subjected to a situation similar to this when I was in 2nd grade. Mine was more on the educational side. I had to suffer the consequences of the public schools poor guidance and suggestions. My mother took me out of the public school system and put me into private. It was there where everything changed for the better. Could the school at fault on this with our daughter? …. Thanks in advance.

August 2nd, 2011

Problems with daughter Teens please answer?

Question:
I’m disappointed in my daughter what to do ?

I am a police officer, and stopped a car for speeding, the driver was my daughter, and she was going 56 in a 35 zone, and to make it worse she had few blunts in the car. I have already grounded her until November and also I took her car keys away, but I am very disappointed in my daughters behavior.As much as it hurt me I did charge my daughter because I do not think that she is above the law and I realize that she needs to be held accountable.

The question is was I wrong ? also some advice from other parents would be helpful.She’s sixteen, and she was with her friends.
She knows I’m disappointed with her.
No, I’m not going to have to pay the ticket because I’m going to make her get a job to pay for it.
For those of you wondering, it wasn’t easy to charge her.
She really is a wild child.

July 21st, 2011

Need advice regarding a teen daughter?

Question:
Last year, my daughter was a freshman in high school. Her mother and I knew this would be a huge adjustment, but we were not prepared for what happened….

First of all, my daughter is a very shy, sensitive kind of person. She is very caring and tries to make people happy. Her mother and I have never had any big issues with her…such as arguing, being disrespectful, yelling, etc. We really didn’t have any complaints, until now.

My daughter really struggled with her grades last year, and I could not figure out what was causing the problem. She also started becoming very withdrawn and spent a lot of time to herself. At the end of the year, we found out she had failed one of her classes…this was VERY uncharateristic of her. Her and I had numerous long talks, trying to figure out what could be wrong. Then, at the very end of school, she got caught walking home from school with a boy. She completely lied about the whole thing, even though she had been caught. This was quite a surprise to us and felt like there was more to the story. During one of our talks, she finally broke down….

She said that she had starting dating a bunch of different boys during the school year. She said on one occasion, when she was supposed to be staying after school, we went over to a boy’s house alone. She said her and this boy starting making out, then they got naked and performed oral sex on each other. She said that once she started performing oral sex on the boy, it really scared her and she immediately told the boy she needed to leave. According to her, that is as far as they went and they didn’t have sex. She said as she was headed out the door, the boy told her he never wanted to see her again. She told me this made her feel very used and caused her to become very depressed.

After hearing this, I was (and still am) in a state of shock. I can’t believe my sweet, innocent, SHY daughter would ever do (or think of doing) these things at this age. I just don’t know how to deal with this. Right now I feel so disgusted and disappointed.

What the heck would possess my young daughter to do this? I realize times are different, and kids are surrounded by sex 24/7, but I just never saw a hint of this effecting my daughter.

Are there any parents out there that have been faced with this before?
What is the best way to handle this?
Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for the advice so far.

Sorry, my words don’t really match my true feelings. I am not angry with her, or hate her at all. I am mainly trying to figure out what I did wrong, because I feel like a failed parent.

I wish it would be that easy to just ‘stop’, turn off feelings…its just not that easy when its for someone you really care about and don’t want to see hurt.

July 20th, 2011

4 year old daughter that won’t listen!!?

Question:
We have a daughter that just started pre-school and it seems that ever since she started school, she just refuses to listen to things that we tell her. Discipline is where we are having our worst problems. We’ve tried calmly explaining, asking nicely,spanking,time out,taking toys away, (we don’t have cable, so tv is not really an option)
We will ask her to do/not to do something and she just acts like she doesn’t hear us or just simply soon forgets. Any form of punishment, does not seem to work really, and there is no particular toy or cherished item that we can take away from her.
She is getting a little sister in a few months and we are aware that this could be an issue of attention seeking. Maybe she is just trying to get our attention,whether its positive or negative, but we are good parents! We give her tons of attention, praise, and love & affection. We even work hard not to just tell her, “because” to any questions she has, but when we ask her why she did something she was not supposed to do, she will say, “because” or “because I wanted to”. She is not violent, just so strong willed and stubborn and we really don’t know what to do about it. We have considered the possibility that she may have ADHD but, if we ask her to do something that she actually WANTS to do..she hears us just fine. At school we have not had any bad reports other than she won’t lay down and be quiet or still during naptime, which I think may be another attention seeking ploy, but what are you supposed to do as discipline for these things?? We are completely out of options, and have considered taking her to see a child psychologist. Any advice would be great and appreciated.. especially from experienced mothers and fathers who have dealt with this problem. My husband and I were always spanked or had toys taken away and that always worked for us??!!!
July 13th, 2011

how can i improve life for my 3 1/2 yr old god daughter.?

Question:
she is not actually my god daughter, she is the child of an ex girlfreind (who is now married). i get on with her hubby but i don’t feel right about interfering in the daughter/father r/ship.

anyway here’s the situation, i visit once or twice a week (since she was 6 months old, i was overseas b4 that) for a few hours in the late afternoon /eve.
he can be very short with her (shouts) and i have often seen the stuff he is upset about and it’s so often NOTHING. he seems to think that she understands the world the same as an adult and only needs to be told something once. as i am far more easy going and talk her through situations where she is going ‘wrong’ i feel that i am causing confusion for her. she is experiencing my reaction to situations and then experiencing her fathers. it is clear that she is feeling the different approaches as she has said a few times things like “dad doesn’t say never mind” and “i wish you were my dad”. and when she plays families in her dolls house she might say “this is me” as she picks up the little dolly, “this is mum” as she picks up ‘barbie’ and “this is you” as she picks up the ‘ken’ doll.
i should say at this point that there is nothing other than f/ship between me and her mum for 12 years now. and she is happy in her marriage. (though she has made some comments about the fathers intolerance)

i have read that children NEED consistency, especially around rules and discipline and that i am therefore a source of inconsistency. i have swung the conversations with him to talk about “something i read” and then go on to explain about childhood development and how their little brains are working things out as they grow every day. and he seems to listen, but nothing changes, in fact he has got a bit more shouty lately. i know that it is a stressful time for him at work right now as well which is the base of it all, i believe, but that is not her fault, obviously ;)
to add to matters i have never seen him play with her and i do, alot. also, she might say ‘no daddy’ if he comes near while i am playing/reading with her and this hurts him. he now does not want to go back into that situation and hear his daughter say that to him. hardly surprising. however she is quite happy for him to read her a bedtime story EVERY night.

it seems to have got to a difficult point right now as she would not say hello to him when he returned from work this afternoon. she turned away and shrieked when he said hello, 4 or 5 times he said it and 4 or 5 times she did the same thing.
immediately afterwards i asked her why she “didn’t want to say hello to daddy” and she said “he only says hello to me when you’re here”. i nearly broke down on the spot.

so, for anyone that knows about these things: what’s the best REALISTIC thing to do?
what can i do to help this situation?

is it best for a child to have a variety of attitudes around them? if so what if that causes her to compare and possibly see her dad in a bad light? is it really doing her any favours? more good than harm?

as you can probably tell i’m at a loss here so any advice anyone can give will be most welcome, i love her as if she was my own.
to the first answerer; he is not my ‘buddy’ as such. i only met him shortly before they got married. i do not socialise with him etc etc .but, i get on with him.
thanks

July 12th, 2011

Why is my teen age step daughter so quiet when she is a lone with me?

Question:
Okay, my fiancée & I have been together for over 3 years now and our wedding date is approaching. However, when my step daughter and I are alone riding in a car or alone in a area together, she doesn’t say much. Recently, out of the blue on a short notice, she asked me to give her $60 for her high school senior trip and with her mother nearby of course. Whenever her mom (my fiancée) is around or other family members or friends are present, she can be a bit more chatty & open. My steppe son and I talk a lot more and have an acceptable relationship. But the quietness between my step daughter and I makes me a little uncomfortable. To bring her out of her shell, at times I mentioned something about music or an musician that I know she make like. But she would only respond with a closed ended statement; if anything at all. Can someone please give me advice about bringing my 17 year old step daughter out of reticence. I would like for her to be as open and comfortable around me as my biological daughter is around my fiancée. Is this normal typical teen age step parent behavior? Or does she just not feel comfortable around me? I am fairly new at being a step parent to teens. So any experienced advice could help. Thanks : -)
July 9th, 2011

daughter eating pink crayons?

Question:
my daughter is almost 2 years old and she recently started eating her pink crayons…im so confused. at first i thought it must be coincidence but then i realized she tried t eat her pink marker as well.. im not asking for advice on disciplining or crayon use as i am already on the issue but im wondering if anyone has ever heard of a child eating one specific type of crayon and why this may be happening
June 13th, 2011

My husband smacks my 8 yr old daughter on the head all the time and i want him to stop?

Question:
There’s this one incident that when my nieces came over to our house to play with my daughter. He was asleep in the bed room trying to have an extra sleep because he’s working that night. My daughter entered the room to get something. So he awakened because of her. So when she left the room my husband closed and locked the door because he doesn’t wanna be bothered and wants to get a good sleep. My daughter went knocking on the door again because she left her cellphone in the room. My husband got up and opened the door and was upset. As she went in to get her cellphone he smacked him on the head. What i didn’t like is my nieces saw what my husband did to her. My daughter felt embarrassed so she went to the corner of the door and started crying. Meanwhile, my husband went back to sleep. There’s another incident just a few days ago, we went out for a dinner. As we leave the restaurant. We were already outside walking towards the car. I asked my daughter if she left anything on the table. She said she left her magazine so I told my husband & my
daughter that i’ll go and get it. I went back out and saw my daughter looked angry. So i waited until bedtime and asked her why she was angry earlier and what her dad told her while i was inside the restaurant. She said that her dad called her an Idiot and that made her so angry.
Those incidents weren’t the only time also. There were also times that i would interrupt when he disciplines his daughter but he would just get mad at me and tell me not to tell him how to discipline his own child.
I have a very good relationship with my 8 year old daughter. She always tells me stuff about whats going with her. I asked her about how she feels about her dad. She said that sometimes she loves her dad and sometimes she doesn’t. My child always feels that anger towards her dad and im hoping that someday he’ll just stop doing that to her. Help me i need advice please.
June 12th, 2011

teen daughter advice?

Question:
my daughter just turned 16, honor roll student, very smart girl…i thought…i just found out she has been sneaking to see a boy i told her she could not see, because i felt he was stalker material, very possessive, she admitted to having sex with him and of coarse i lost it, i can’t trust her, she has lied to me and the trust is gone, but i have been thinking about just letting her keep seeing him and letting her make her own mistakes, cause apparently she won’t listen to me, i love her and don’t want her to throw her life away, but isn’t it really her life to throw away, i am a really protective parent but i have seen it don’t do any good to be, they will still break your heart..any advice would be greatly appreciated, i am at a lose, i don’t know what to do anymore.
June 8th, 2011

The Everything Parent’s Guide to Raising Girls: All you need to help your daughter develop confidence, achieve self-esteem, and improve communication

Product Description
Raising a girl in today’s world is more complicated than ever. How do you help your daughter navigate through her world of school cliques, confusing media messages, and pressures to be a “good girl”? Newly revised and updated, this guide gives you smart and comprehensive advice on the trials and triumphs of raising a daughter. Parenting expert Dr. Erika Shearin Karres prepares you for every stage, including:Handling tantrums, bad moods, and potty trainingDealing with cliques, bullies, and peer pressureCoping with puberty and menstruationKeeping up with texting, social media, and online relationshipsAddressing the issues of drinking, smoking, drugs, and sexEnforcing rules and disciplineDr. Karres shows you how t… More >>

The Everything Parent’s Guide to Raising Girls: All you need to help your daughter develop confidence, achieve self-esteem, and improve communication


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