Posts tagged ‘daughter’

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November 19th, 2011

My husband and I are still thinking of sending my daughter to her dad, but we’re getting Hell for it? Advice?

Question:
Last night, I explained in a previous question that I’m a divorced mom raising two teenagers and I’m newly married to a man who is ALSO raising two teenagers. I also stated how my new husband and I confronted my 16 year old daughter and his 17 year old son about an inappropriate secret relationship they’ve been having. A stepfamily with four teens(two boys and two girls) under the same roof equals HELL; we learned that the hard way.

My children’s father(my ex-husband) picked up our son and daughter this morning and he’s keeping them until Sunday. I had a long conversation with my older sister about an hour ago. I’m one year shy of 50 but I still look up to my big sister because she is usually very compassionate and she’s the best advice giver ever. But she is known to be overly blunt at times. She shocked me when she called me selfish for even considering sending my 16 year old daughter to live with her father for good just because her relationship with my stepson is causing friction and discomfort within my new marriage. My sister also went on to say the same things even a few people on Yahoo Answers had suggested “why don’t you send your husband’s son away, he’s not innocent”.

Indeed, he’s NOT. I never SAID he was. My stepson has an “on and off again” girlfriend and he’s been leading my daughter on, playing with her extremely high “teenage girl” emotions. But where is he going to go if my husband and I told him to leave? His mother is DEAD, he has nobody but his father(and me now). My daughter still HAS her dad and a DAMN BETTER relationship with him than with me(and I’m her custodial parent). So, why not?

Besides, my stepson and stepdaughter accepted ME but my son and daughter still hasn’t quite accepted their new stepfather. Mind you, the mother of my stepchildren is gone; they don’t have the luxury of seeing her 2-3 times a month like my children is able to see their father yet they show me respect, love and genuine acceptance. Again, I’m not proud of the way my stepson manipulated my daughter but overall, he’s a good kid. My daughter is troubled. Sorry, I’m just stating the facts. Again, are my husband and I handling this the right way?

By the way, I STILL haven’t mentioned anything to my ex-husband yet, therefore, nothing is set in stone yet.
Another thing is, I’m not sure if they had SEX and to be honest, I’m afraid to ask.

Posted in Parenting Advice for Teens | 12 Comments »

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November 1st, 2011

5 yr old daughter showing odd behavior and difficulties at school. Has anyone else had these issues?

Question:
I am having some issues with my 5 yr old daughter. The school and my husband and I aren’t really quite sure what to do or how to help. She is extremely Intelligent, scoring off the charts in reading and math. She has an amazing vocabulary. However her social and emotional skills are lacking and the she is exhibiting odd behavior. For example the teacher asked the class what they feared,the other kids answered with something happening to their family,pets,etc. My daughter answered with “my slip and slide being the wrong color”. The teacher also reported that she was scratching herself and told her she had fleas on her. But her logical thinking is very adult like. She is very inflexible with change or something being different. For example her drink box has to be in a certain position on her tray at school or she gets upset. Shes very affectionate but if you touch her sometimes shes screams that we’re hurting her. also she cant handle loud noises. Another issue is discipline. Nothing seems to work. Or way will work and then it won’t work at all the next time. She will apologize every time she does something wrong but then will do it again five seconds later. Her school wants her to be evaluated. I am not sure of how to go about that. If anyone else has seen these behaviors with their child, can you give me advice on what seems to work for you in helping with these behaviors and helping your child become more independent and what steps you took to have your child evaluated. Thank you.

Posted in Discipline Advice | 12 Comments »

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October 25th, 2011

(step-dad to 11 year old daughter) I’ve raised my 11 year old step-daughter since she was 4 years old…?

Question:
I need input: she says I yell at her when I use my stern voice to correct her. In our home, there are rules and consequences for not following them. For instance, losing the cellphone if grades drop, or losing the Wii or computer privileges for not cleaning her room, etc. She visits w/her biological dad every other weekend and so, he’s the “fun” dad since he takes her to the movies and out to eat, etc. but does nothing as far as discipline or schoolwork/school activities, etc. He shows no interest in any of that and leaves that up to us. Once she gets home, I automatically become the strict step-dad. My wife & I also have 2 younger children and treat them all fairly & equally but no matter what I do, she’s not happy.

Before she met me, there were no rules, no punishment and at 4 years old, she basically did whatever she wanted without consequences from her parents. So I could understand how it looked to her, here I come in her life and set rules and boundaries and expect them to be followed.

I’m not strict 100% of the time, I’m actually strict about 10% of the time but when one of the kids has to be corrected, they’re gonna be corrected. She used to roll her eyes and talk back to us but thankfully, that has changed over the years. My biggest fear is that she will be 18 and have this horrible story that I ruined her childhood because she saw me as the step-dad from hell that “always yelled at her”. When all I’m really doing is correcting her. Of course, I praise her when she does well, I participate at her school activities and even coach her teams. She is MY daughter as far as I’m concerned but why is she so upset with me? She recently said that she hates having 2 families and hates the fact that my wife & her dad broke up all those years ago but I’ve been in her life 7 of her 11 years! I’ve told my wife that I feel like I should completely back out of anything that has to do with her but I know that will backfire in the end for not being involved enough. I feel like I can’t win…

I know I’m not the first step-parent to have issues but I need some sort of advice. Help?

Posted in Discipline Advice | 8 Comments »

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October 22nd, 2011

I don’t know what to do with my 6 year old daughter…?

Question:
From the age of 3 she was being assessed for autism. Time and again I was told by health professionals that it was behavioural problems, attachment issues etc and every time they’d phone me back and send her on for more assessments. She’s had a diagnosis for a Specific Language Disorder, her receptive and expressive language is very poor, at a 3 year age level, and is having severe difficulty learning to read and write. She is very OCD, doesn’t share (I have 2 younger children, 4 year old girl and 1 year old boy neither have any difficulties) she screams for no reason, sometimes things that shouldn’t hurt her do and other times she’s not bothered. She is absolutely obsessed with horses and cats, won’t talk to other kids she knows from school if we’re out. I was told because she initiates social interaction at school and with her siblings that she cannot be autistic, but its apparent that there’s something more than just a language disorder, I just don’t know what. I’m a single mother with no help, I have no idea what to do with her and I’m finding everything difficult. She can be very violent and is always hurting her brother and sister (and me of course) and the usual methods of discipline (corner, time out, taking toys away) only make things worse with her. I’m at a loss, does anyone have any advice???
Just thought I’d also say I very much do positive reinforcement, only discipline when necessary and do try to ignore unwanted behaviour (in all of them) and also I’m only recently a single mother (6 months) and she’s been this way most of her life, since she was about 18 months old…also thank you for the great answers so far :)

Posted in Discipline Advice | 3 Comments »

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October 6th, 2011

cancer parenting libra daughter?

Question:
i was hopign for parenting tips or something to help with my 17 yr old libra daughter. i just dont understand her ways. what are teen libras like and why dont we get along easily? shes obsessed with looking at herself in the mirror and doesnt take authority easily bc she believes she has the better way of doing things and she is extremely intelligent and can psychologically analyze anyone including me and hit it on the button. she is very mature for her age and wants to start going out later and doing more stuff and im having a hard time accepting this. any advice would be helpful for a cancer mother and libra daughter. thankyou.

Posted in Parenting Advice for Teens | 9 Comments »

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September 26th, 2011

How do I help get my boyfriend’s daughter to sleep in her own bed?

Question:
I live with my boyfriend, who has primary custody of his 4 year old daughter, and where we live it is culturally acceptable to have children sleeping in the bed with the parents up to a late age.

Unfortunately, her mom lives in a city 600 miles away, and she has just returned to us after spending the summer with her, and she is having issues with going to bed now in her own room.

Behaviorlly, she is very good child and usually never requires reprimand. But her bouncing around between her mom, and her father and I has not helped with the discipline to get her to stay there.
I, myself, never grew up in this fashion, and I am having a hard time understanding any rationalle behind why this should be acceptable.

Please, without judgement, does anyone out there have any advice on how I can bring this subject up with my boyfriend and any pointers to help her adjust to wanting to sleep in her own room?
She spends 75% of the year with US, and I understand that she is a little confused. I know she is going through a lot. My BF and I are very big into what is best for her, as well as her mom. She may not be around 24/7, but she still is a big part of her life and all 3 of us ar on board as far as how we are raising her.

I am not trying to be cold here. But as someone who never gre up like this, to me it is pretty unacceptable. I love to snuggle and hold and cuddle her.

I would like to hear from parents who have had the same situation (co-sleeping to independant sleeping) what they did and how they did it.
Again, I will add some more info based on some of the answers I have been given.

I DO love this child as much as anyone could. I do love her as my own, except, yes, I am knowledgeable to the fact that she is not.

Also, I would like to point out, that yes, I think it is ok, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE for her to sleep with us. I, like I said, did not grow up this way, and this just doesn’t seem right to me. What I am asking is: how can I bring up this subject to my BF, and how we can her her transition.

We HAVE tried to get her to sleep in her own bed, and of course this has been without success.

Posted in Discipline Advice | 5 Comments »

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September 23rd, 2011

Out of control teenage daughter, help!?

Question:
My 16 year old is uncontrollable.
She’s using drugs, pot and ecstasy are the one’s i have found out about, god only knows what else she is using.
She smokes, she drinks.
She is extremely sexually active, mostly with her boyfriend, who i try to forbid her from seeing.
She goes to school and her grades aren’t bad, but they could be better
. I try to discipline, but nothing works. Believe me i’ve tried everything.
i have 2 other children, both boys aged 10 and 20.
I live in Australia and there arent any boot camps around.
Any advice would be great.

Posted in Discipline Advice | 22 Comments »

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September 18th, 2011

My husbands acts like he hates my 16 year old daughter….?

Question:
I’ve been married for 12 years – I had one daughter (16 year old) previous and we’ve had 2 daughters together in this marriage. My husband has always picked and argued with my 16 year old daughter. He harps on her for every little thing, he says that I never discipline her (which I do), and whenever I do have to get on her for something, he “roots” me on! He will take every opportunity to cut her down and rip her apart. She is disrespectful to him. After 12 years of dealing with his constant badgering, she now resents him and I dare say, hate him. She will tell him now when he is being inappropriate to me, her or her two younger sisters. He completely flies off the handle and a big huge freakin’ fight ensues. I tell him he doesn’t give me a chance to discipline her, because HIS responses are so wrong and over the top that I have to make up for his verbal abuse. My daughter is a good teenager, she doesn’t ever break curfew, she is always on the High Honor roll and she helps around the house whenever I ask. She truly is a good kid. But he doesn’t see it. He is the adult, for pete’s sake, he shouldn’t act like a 13 year old. But they fight over stupid things and I’m pretty sure I’m real close to going crazy!!! I can’t just up and leave — this is my home, and I have two other children here that I refuse to leave behind. Counseling isn’t an option, we’ve tried it about 4 times before. As soon as the therapist/counseling starts getting to the root of the issues and starts telling my husband ways to handle himself differently, my husband refuses to go back. I need help…any advice out there???

Posted in Discipline Advice | 12 Comments »

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September 7th, 2011

Embarassed Daughter, Mature Advice Appreciated?

Question:
Please when you answer state your age and gender, and if applicable a parent of what ages so I get some sense of who this advice is coming from….

Anyway, I’m married 49, father of 3 great kids, son 7, daughter 10, daughter 12, and generally (though we all have our moments) consider our family to be a pretty healthy down to earth one for which I’m quite blessed by.

Anyway, last evening my oldest daughter Ella who’s 12 came home from a gymnastics event that ran until 9:30pm our time last night while my wife was at her sister’s house. She goes upstairs to take a shower and go to bed while I’m watching CNN. Showers in our house typically last 5, maybe 10 minutes….

….10 minutes pass, water still going….20 minutes pass, water still going…now i’m thinking she’s just turning the darn bathroom into a day spa so I yell up the typical hey can you wrap up in there seeing as how i like to have enough money left over after the water bill to feed her and my 2 others! More time passes, now the water’s been running for LITERALLY about 40 minutes, and i’m thinking this is the most indulgent shower in history, so I go upstairs and knock on the door to ask her to wrap it up…no answer…now i’m getting worried…i knock again…LOUDLY….Ella are you ok?….no answer….my kid has now been in the shower nearly an hour, there’s no answer at the door, and I’m petrified that she’s fallen, fainted, god knows what…my wife isn’t gonna be home for 2 hours, we live in the country so there’s nobody else i can turn to, so i finally decide i have to go in there to see if she’s ok, open the door, and there she is on the floor of the tub, breathing, apparently fine, the water basically missing her so she wasn’t woken up by how cold it was, and it turns out, just flat out exhausted after her gymnastics meet, closed her eyes in the tub and conked out. So I quickly grab a towel, wrap it around her and shake her on the shoulder to wake her up, she awakes, i say Ella you fell asleep in the shower you’ve been in here an hour you gotta go to bed hun….and she awakes enough to process that but is still sorta slumbery, i walk her to her room and she closes the door and that’s that, she goes to sleep.

So I go back downstairs thinking no big deal, glad she’s alright, etc.

This morning the kids come down for breakfast (I drive them to school on Wednesdays)…and when i give my typical hey Ella you feelin better this morning?….she SLAMS her spoon down on the table, and storms off to her bus-stop…then my younger one Emma tells me she’s mad you saw her naked…and that’s when i sorta processed the event from the perspective of a girl her age…but here’s the thing…

#1- I am this girl’s FATHER, seeing your own kid in their birthday suit
isn’t exactly a big headline in your life, and while i hadn’t in many
years and she’s at an awkward age emotionally for that to happen,
it was a small, insignificant, mildly humorous moment for me, which
parents can relate to, but a girl her age probably can’t.

#2- Here’s the thing; i have no IDEA what i could have done to prevent
it…i’m as sensitive to privacy with my kids as the next parent, but
there’s exceptions where you have to throw that stuff out the
window and one of them is a situation like this. So while I can see
how she’d be embarassed, i CAN’T see what the heck she’s
thinking i should have done instead….what if she HAD fainted with
her face laying in the water and i just left her like that for 2 hours
because 5 seconds of awkwardness seeing her nude trumped
saving her life? I don’t think she’s computing that…

Help me out here, opinion of moms, dads, teens, whatever…the last thing i would want to do is embarass my kid at an age where kids embarass VERY easily, and i don’t want to go another day without getting things back to normal with her…but what do i say? By saying anything am I just rehashing her embarassment? But by saying nothing I feel like she probably has no idea the perspective of a parent in that situation. Help…I never felt like such a crappy dad before.

Posted in Parenting Advice for Teens | 13 Comments »

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September 1st, 2011

my 7.5 year old daughter……..

Question:
left my cell phone in the store. we went back to see if it wa still there and unfortunatley it was not! i am so pissed with her i dont know what to do. as i was talking to her ( telling her she should have never taken my phone out the house) she yelled in my face! saying “i didnt hear you”!! i smacked the hell out of her, however she continued to yell at me as if i were a child her age, and kept screaming out loud because she was mad i hit her, while walking down the street. i didnt want to discipline her too much while in public because you never know what others around you may do, like call the police or something. so i told her wait until we get in the house and i will deal with her. but in the mean time she better go in her room and dont come out. i know i am a wonderful mother. i teach my child all the right things to do, and i know children will be children but this is too much for me. it actually shoocked the hell out of me. she has never yelled at me like that before, ever. what should i do at this point? i have calmed down some, but i am still pissed off. also, a guy found my phone and called and i met him and got it back, thank god!! just give me some advice. thanks!!!
NO SHE WAS NOT WO\ALKING TO THEE STORE BY HERSELF I WAS WITH HER. I HAD NO IDEA SHE HAD MY PHONE, IF SO I WOULD HAVE TAKEN IT FROM HER. SHE KNOWS SHE DOSENT TAKE THOSE THINGS TO THE STORE BECAUSE THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED, SO SHE VERY WELL KNOWS BETTER! YES I SMACKED HER IN PUBLIC AND ANYBODY THAT SAY I SHOULD NOT HIT MY CHILD ARE CRAZY I WOULD REALLY UNDERSTAND IF THEIR CHILDREN GROW UP RUNNING ALL OVER TOP OF THEM. THATS TIPICALLY WHAT HAPPENS…… THANKS TO EVERYOINE ELSE WHO GAVE ME GOOD ADVICE!!!
FUCK YOU! IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT! POINT BLANK!!

Posted in Discipline Advice | 8 Comments »

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