May 5th, 2011
Question:
I have been married for a little over a month now. My wife has a 5 year old girl who is about to turn 6 from a previous marriage. They lived out of state and moved down to live with me about 10 moths ago. My step-daughter’s biological father is pretty flaky and when they were together didn’t have a lot do with her. He calls maybe three times a year and sees her if at all but once a year. They were divorced when she just turned 2 years old.
She is the sweetest girl and very loving. But when they moved down she came with a lot of bad habits. She didn’t know how to act a restaurants, would be selfish about things, talk back to her mother, ect. Just some basic things 5 year olds do. But these were things that I did not do as a child because I was not allowed to get away with them. I really do not blame the child 100% but mostly on how they are raised. I am not saying she was a bad kid at all… just a few habits that she picked up in life that were not corrected from the beginning. Well I had stepped in right away and had began to correct these things because I felt if I didn’t it would continue to other things.
For the most part she has done a 180 in the bad behavior/habits. When it is just her and I and her mother is not around she gives me no problems. But when her mother is around is when she starts to bring out the antics that have been bothering me. Her mother does discipline her (she is an elementary school teacher after all) but I feel like since she was pretty lax about it from the previous years that my step-daughter tries and see what she can get away with and test her. I have a much more difficult time disciplining her when her mother is around. She thinks that I get on to her every single thing and I think that she is easy on her. She uses the excuse “but she is 5” and I feel like that is her crutch for letting her do some of the things she does and I feel like because she is 5 she should know better.
My question is: as a sep-dad when is it my place to say or do something when bad behavior is to occur? Do I back off and relinquish any disciplining rights and just her mom deal with it? What is the roll of a step-dad to a child that has no real fatherly figure in her life? Just to add: my step-daughter is starting to call me “dad” and does always say “you are the best dad ever”. Her and I have a great relationship and a lot of the time when she has to pick a parent to do something with like homework or wants to play a game she 9 times out of 10 picks me. So I didn’t want it to seem like I am a tyrant. The problem is finding where is the middle ground? I fill in 50% of the responsibilities and finances for this child and love her as my own… so wouldn’t disciplining be one of the responsibilities? Thanks in advance.
Just want to comment to the feedback:
Thanks for all of the responses EXCEPT for James Blackley with his ridiculous statement as follows: “Let’s clear one thing up:Your not her parent, you do not get the right to discipline her.” … what I have to say to that is. Yes I am her parent you moron. When someone takes you school, teaches you to read, holds you when you are hurt, comforts you when you are scared, and teaches you about love and life is what a parent is. These are things I do for my girl. Whether she has my DNA or not I am the only real father she knows. So in my opinion if I am to carry all of the responsibilities, disciplining is one of the rolls. My question was (which was answered wonderfully by everyone else) to what degree were my boundaries. Luckily yahoo answers has a block feature to keep idiots like James Blackely from commenting again.
Posted in Advice for New Parents | 9 Comments »
May 3rd, 2011
Question:
Okay, so, my sister is beginning to ride more (yeeaah!!!!) Witch means, she’s soon going to start competing, and resulting in… Me getting a new horse. Thus will probably happen in the summer of 2011 or early 2011… My mare, Sassy, is a 14.1hh paint mare that is not registered, so, consequentely, I cannot compete in Houston. Anyways, the woman who used to own her, (me and her daughter are very close, and her mom talks to me alot, she like a 2nd mom to me
) is always asking what kind of horse I’m looking for, and what I want to acheive with that horse, and I can tell she is being serious. My trainer was also talking about horses being for sale with my parents… I love my mare, but, I can’t put her through the stress of having to compete with me and my sister seeing as she is anahydrolic. Anyways, any advice as to what kind of horse I should get?(I compete in western speed) And does it sound like people are already making plans to buy me another horse?
Thanks sooo much!!
-E
Oh and I’m looking for a hrose that has a lot of go to him, but also has a woah! lol I want a horse that’s active and more for an experienced rider! Thanks!
Posted in Advice for New Parents | 6 Comments »
May 2nd, 2011
Question:
One mistake I made when my children were younger was to invest my entire being into being Mom, losing a great deal of who I was before Mom. I was young and all of my peers were not at the point in which they were having children, leaving me feel awkward around them and missing many fun times I could have shared with them because I felt I couldn’t be anyone but Mom.
My advice, allow yourself time alone from your kids from time to time and don’t beat yourself up over it. In the end, it’s much healthier for you and your children (they learn that it is ok for Mommy and Daddy to not be there 24/7). When the children are older and you find yourself with an abundance of “me” time, the part of you that is not just Mom/Dad will still be there to keep you from feeling lonely, abandoned, and purposeless, which could possibly turn into resentment or cause a strong urge to re-establish the apron strings (
Posted in Advice for New Parents | 9 Comments »
May 1st, 2011
Question:
I am trying to be patient with my pomeranian and have done a lot of research on how to help her adjust to the baby due the end of January. She is 11 yrs old, toothless and 5 pounds.
-We have created her on personal space w/ bed, food, toys
-Play baby cries
-Have her on a routine to know what to except
-She is also not allowed on the furninture and walks behind us so she know she is not “alpha” not to mention get fur everywhere.
She stays off the furniture, except for when we are not around. She can hold her urine for up to 5 hrs or so. But, if we leave and come back in she goes in 5 minutes. She is also an escape artist. She gets out of her room by some how scaling or knocking done the gate. She just did this again and the first place she went was to poop in the baby’s room and then go and sit on the couch while we were gone. She also whines and whines when she is not in the same room with us. (Which is going to wake the baby) She cant always be in the same room w/ the me and the baby. Also, she cant stand if I talk to another dog, hug my husband, ect. I KNOW she is going to bark and whine when she hears me in another room talking to the baby. Ive heard of dogs being protective of women when they are pregnant, but not her. She has never liked children and only accepted my husband’s 11 yr old sister after she stayed w/ us for 3 wks. However, she still doesnt like her much.
I have had her for so long, I dont want to give her away and dont even know who would take her. The changes we implented were atleast 4 months ago and she did well at first. Now she seems worse that I at 30 wks. At the same time, I am going to have a baby with enough diapers to clean up after! If she is like this now, I am afraid it is going to get worse.
Lastly, w/ the economy, baby on the way and getting laid off, only my husband is working. There is no way we can afford a dog trainer.
Any advice, PLEASE?
Posted in Advice for New Parents | 2 Comments »
April 30th, 2011
Question:
I currently live in New York City, but my parents are tired of the high cost of living in NYC. The houses are small and go for nearly $700,000 and my mom said she can’t deal with that anymore, so we’re moving to Maryland. I agree about the high cost of living, but I’m nervous. I’ll be going into my junior year of high school in September, and when we move I’ll be transferring. I’m SUPER nervous. I was born and raised in NYC so it’s going to be hard saying goodbye to the place I’ve been all my life. I’m also going to miss my friends. I’m a super shy person so I think it’ll be hard making new friends. Any advice to make me feel better? Thanks.
**Note: I have family there as well, I’m just nervous about the transition from NYC to Maryland and how I’ll fit into my new school =[
Posted in Advice for New Parents | 3 Comments »
April 29th, 2011
Question:
I have been a divorced mother for 18 yrs my son is 18 and I am getting married soon he’ll be there for awhile until he decides to move out what advice would you give to him since there will be a step parent in the home and to the new husband i told my fiance you cant tell him what to do or get involved in the relationship between him and I unless i ask and it would be in the privacy of our room we can also talk all three of us but he is to be respectful to him if hes not happy he can move out anytime his feelings are important
sirrich i have not ask my son to endorse this marraige hes an adult he has a choose to stay here or not my fiance doesnt have any say so in his life at all we have talked about it and he agrees
Posted in Advice for New Parents | 5 Comments »
April 28th, 2011
Question:
My husband and I are 22 and 23. Hubby and I will be 23 and 24 at the time of our Baby’s birth. We have been married 7 months, live in a 3 bedroom 1.5 bathroom house with a Border collie and 2 cats. Our house is small but it’s all ours (about 1200 square feet)
Were First time Parents and are Clueless. I will be staying home, but there is so much to do before baby gets here. I am at a loss.
What do I need to do to get my house “Baby Ready”.
What do I have to have in order to get baby ready. Any advice for soon to be new parents.
I am nanny and have tons of experience with children. But the Children, I leave and come back the next day.
Motherhood is a 24 hour a day job.
Posted in Advice for New Parents | 6 Comments »
April 27th, 2011
Question:
We found this little dog. We looked high and low for his owner, but nothing. We have decided to keep him instead of sending him to “Death Row”. He is a Yorkie mix, no more than 6 months weighs no more than 2 pounds.I have always had large dogs, and have a Golden right now. She loves the puppy and sleeps with him and Mothers him. Problem: How do you feed these little dogs? I know it sounds stupid, but my “real” dog does not need a sweater, or piddle pads and gets 4 cups of dry… so this is a whole new area for me. I adore him, but need some new parenting advice!
Thanks so much!
Posted in Advice for New Parents | 6 Comments »
April 26th, 2011
Question:
I’ve had a pink LG Chocolate for 2 years now and over the last few months it’s been going all weird and faulty. I’ve been wanting a new phone for a long time anyway and I love the new LG ks360, but my parents have refused. How can I convince them? I have told them about the problems on my current phone but they think I’m just trying to give false reasons. Please can some one give me some advice! I would much appreciate it.
I have enough money to buy the new phone ten times! but my parents say its not to do with the price.
Posted in Advice for New Parents | 2 Comments »
April 25th, 2011
Question:
So I have a Blackberry now and it dies randomly and wont hold a charge, and my parents wont let me get a new one! I’d pay for it and everything (i pay for the service now). Advice please?? I’m desperate any help would be appreciated.
Posted in Advice for New Parents | 2 Comments »